A New Hope

I'm trying hard to be the person I want to be, that Platonic conception of oneself nobody ever seems to achieve, I'm attempting to "take back my life as my own". I have come up with some goals to start me off, such as:
- I am determined to be a fantastic baker. I want to create the kind of cookies you will remember the rest of your LIFE.
- I want to get high honors my junior year. I could do it, given I learn how to stop procrastinating and actually do work.
- I want to learn how to swing dance, so Eddie and I can live our dream of being classy. (insert lol)
- I want to become a Civil rights lawyer
- I want long hair again!
These things sound so easy written down, but I will probably see them as harder attempting to execute them. Nevertheless, I shall give it my all. Wish me luck.

All my ladies

So today I went online to find out good jeans for my body type. (as we all know finding good jeans is a bitch). I found a website called "The Perfect Hourglass". It was a website devoted to the American ideal body image for a women. It had a list of celeberties with the ideal body, like Jessica Alba, Eva Mendes, and Scarlett Johansen. There was even a calculator, where you plugged in your weight, height, hip meassurements, waist measurements, and boob measurements. Then it spit of some numbers like your BMI and your distance from the perfect beauty ratio.
According to this, the perfect ratio was .7, so your waist should be 26", your hips 37", and your bust 36". How disgusting is that. A place online, accessible to girls of all ages, that tells you wheter or not your beautiful. Not a calculator for a healthy weight, but one for a weight and shape that will make men drool and other women jealous.
What happens if a girl has small boobs, or boyish hips? Apparently, she's just not attractive. Is this the kind of thing that is supposed to be beneficial? To me, it looks like its just there to make the lucky women egotistical, and the normal women sellf councious. I know so many beautiful women who don't have this "perfect hourglass figure". They have their own butts, and boobs, not Barbie's. To me, these girls are a thousand times more beautiful than the plastic bitches on Laguna Beach and Gossip Girl.
Beauty isn't a ratio or a body shape, and its not how much sex appeal you have. Its your personality and individualism. Its not a mold you have to starve yourself to fit. Young women shouldn't be exposed to this kind of criticism. Its degrading and sexist.

So ladies, eat when your hungry, run when you feel like some exercise, and buy the jeans that make you comfy, not the ones that make your ass look perfectly "apple shaped". Your beauty really is in the person you are and your character, not your boobs.
Am I right?

Oh sugar honey

I never know what I'm up to.
This way, that way, I can never tell.
Whateva, whateva.

Black Wave

It was the wind that day. It was the kind of wind that seeped through your pores and whispered, urging you to listen. It was the kind of wind that seduced you into its arms, so much so that you felt that if it blew a little harder it would sweep you off your feet. It was the kind of wind that intoxicated. It was graceful fingers, extended from the other side of the universe, coericing you to slip into its grasp, and to float away.
It moaned softly in my ears. It pointed me towards the sun. It said
"Look child, see that light? Its what you could be. You could be free like me. You could burn like that sumptuous, searing orb. Just forsake your feet, its as simple as lifting your them of the ground, and leaving your bondages behind."
But you were my foundation. You were where my house was built, you were the ground from which my water sprung. You were the grass that caressed my back, and the earth that surrounded me and cradeled my heart.
And the temptation is irrevocable.

Food for thought

My mother would tell me I need to "priortize". This becomes more of an impossible task every day,because more and more I'm losing sight of what my "prioities" really are. Eddie told me I'm so restless because I need to find something to do that I love. I thought about that and it is kinda true. I do nothing in my life other than work my ass off at school and be with Eddie. And I sure as hell don't love school, and I'm relatively certain "doing" a significant other doesn't count. Either way, I need to find something to immerse mself in, and to challenge myself. I need to find something that relaxes me. I don't know what it is, because I'm not a musician, I'm not a writer, and I'm not an artist. I wonder what I am though. I want to find that one thing. Lately, it's like I don't have a talent. Not that I have to be the best at something, just that I want to be proud of what I do. Hopefully as time goes by I will find that "thing" I'm looking for.

Regardless, for now, I'm learning how to cope with the fact that I am a talntless, direction lacking dreamer with only a finger nail of creativity.

Oh well. They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.