Oh young love, so poetic, so beautiful, so ignorant of reality

Its always a dream for the first months of a relationship, the "us against the world" attitude, "I don't know where I would be without you" , "you are my everything", and "I'll love you forever and always" . But you can never be so wrong. The world doesn't care about you, you would actually be just fine with your heart still beating regardless of whether or not you're with them, and they really aren't everything, you are everything in your world. And forever? Forever is a very, very, very long, vast, and limitless time. Forever in this one relationship? Forever attached to this person? What are you sacrificing with this commitment? Your life? Your passion? Or possibly the worst, your identity?
Speaking out of some kind of experience, I can say love is the most impossible challenge in my life I have ever tried to understand. Is it worth it? The tears, the screaming, the hurt and the pain, all to keep someone in this relationship you futilely believe will contain them forever in your possession. You can never really know a person, and the word love, a kiss, or even sex can't hold them to you forever. Being at the mercy of someone like that can destroy you. And unfortunately, I'm going to have to say that its not worth that. I would rather have my heart broken but my mind intact. And what is it that he loves? Is it me? Or is it the company? And what is it that I love?

Questioning a relationship that I have been in for so long hurts, more than anything I have experienced in my life. Its like there is a pressure in your heart, squeezing it until all the love and care is gone. But I suppose that planning out a future would be the worst thing to do, and dwelling on the past would hurt more. All I know is what I have now. And thats a man who won't promise me forever anymore, a man who is just as doubtful as me, and a big pile of shattered hopes and expectations. I guess moving forward is the only option, and I suppose that if I emerge still in love, than doubting something, can sometimes make it more real than you have ever imagined. I don't know though, and if anyone actually does waste their time reading this, I will tell you how it goes.

Good luck to you, cause I know I need some.

Blue Moon

I never thought of how much freedom there is in being alone. It's a frightening concept, to face the void of this world without someone beside you to reassure you everything is okay. Growing up means growing inward. And truth be told I find myself so terrified of being alone, but I know that the liberation of my soul rests in learning to be a solitary creature; complemented, not completed, by my partner.